Let’s start with an uncomfortable question.
If that one person stopped viewing your Instagram Stories tomorrow…
…would you miss them?
Or would you miss knowing they were watching?
See?
It’s already getting awkward.
We all like to believe we’re looking for love.
But somewhere between dating apps, blue ticks, and “Seen 2:13 PM,” many of us have quietly become addicted to something else.
Being wanted.
Not necessarily loved.
Just… wanted.
And those two things are very different.
The Tiny Highs We Don’t Talk About
Be honest.
Your phone lights up.
For a split second, you hope it’s that person.
Not because they’re sending you money. (Although, in this economy…)
But because someone choosing you feels good.
Someone replying to your Story.
Someone flirting.
Someone remembering that tiny detail you mentioned three weeks ago.
It feels good.
Not because you’re shallow.
Because you’re human.
Validation is one of the oldest emotional currencies there is.
The problem is, it can look suspiciously like love.
We’ve Been Training for This Since Childhood
Nobody wakes up at 27 and suddenly becomes addicted to validation.
We’ve been practising since childhood.
Good grades?
“Well done.”
Clean your room?
“Good girl.”
Win the competition?
“That’s my boy.”
From a young age, we learn something simple:
Approval feels good.
As adults, the classroom changes.
Now it’s dating apps.
Group chats.
Instagram.
WhatsApp.
And that one person whose notification somehow hits differently.
The reward stayed the same.
Only the audience changed.
To the Women…
Many women grow up hearing some version of the same script.
“Be respectful.”
“Don’t be too loud.”
“Learn to cook.”
“Don’t intimidate men.”
“One day you’ll make someone a good wife.”
Again, none of these lessons are automatically bad.
But imagine hearing, for years, that one of life’s biggest achievements is being chosen.
Eventually, something subtle happens.
You stop asking,
“Do I actually like him?”
…and start asking,
“Does he like me?”
It’s no surprise that some women find themselves performing instead of connecting.
Being easier.
Quieter.
Smaller.
More agreeable.
Not because that’s who they are.
Because somewhere deep down, being picked started feeling like proof that they were enough.
To the Men…
Now let me talk to the guys.
Most of you didn’t grow up hearing,
“Tell me how you feel.”
You heard,
“Be a man.”
“Stop crying.”
“You’ll be fine.”
So you became experts at surviving.
Not necessarily expressing.
Some men can negotiate million-naira deals…
…but freeze when someone asks,
“How are you really doing?”
Then one day, someone notices you.
Really notices you.
They compliment your effort.
They ask about your day.
They make you feel seen.
Suddenly, you think you’ve found the love of your life.
Maybe.
Or maybe…
For the first time in years…
You simply felt visible.
Infatuation Wants an Audience
Infatuation is dramatic.
It wants fireworks.
Constant texting.
Rapid replies.
Heart emojis.
Long phone calls until 2 a.m.
Love?
Love is almost boring.
It shows up.
It remembers.
It stays.
Infatuation says,
“I need you to keep proving you want me.”
Love says,
“I already know.”
That’s why some people leave healthy relationships.
Not because love disappeared.
Because the adrenaline did.
Peace can feel strangely unfamiliar to people who’ve spent their lives chasing emotional highs.
Social Media Didn’t Invent This…
It just made it easier.
One compliment used to come from one person.
Now it comes from fifty.
Likes.
Comments.
Story reactions.
Fire emojis from people you haven’t spoken to since secondary school.
It’s no wonder our brains start confusing attention with affection.
Sometimes you’re not heartbroken.
You’re simply experiencing notification withdrawal.
Yes, I said it.
Here’s the Question That Matters
Imagine someone loved you deeply.
They weren’t the loudest person online.
They didn’t constantly post you.
They weren’t performing romance for the internet.
But every single day…
They chose you.
Would that be enough?
Or would a part of you still wonder,
“Why don’t they show me off more?”
There’s no shame in answering honestly.
Because this isn’t really about social media.
It’s about what you’ve been taught your whole life.
To earn love.
To deserve attention.
To be chosen.
Maybe Love Isn’t About Being Wanted
Maybe it’s about being known.
Really known.
The anxious version of you.
The messy version.
The broke version.
The version that isn’t always funny.
Or attractive.
Or impressive.
Being wanted is exciting.
Being known is terrifying.
But only one of them lasts.
So before you tell yourself you’re in love…
Ask one more question.
If they stopped making you feel special tomorrow… would you still choose them?
Your answer might tell you whether you’re in love…
…or simply addicted to validation.
What Do You Think?
Have you ever realized you missed the attention more than the person?
Or do you think validation is simply a natural part of falling in love?
Tell us in the comments 👇
