First things first, babe.
- ✦ PILLOW TALK
- Why Situationships Hurt More Than Real Relationships
- Stop Waiting For Closure
- ✦ PILLOW TALK
- Stop Romanticising Suffering
- Good Sex Is Not Commitment
- ✦ PILLOW TALK
- Create Distance Before You Create Delusion
- ✦ AFTER DARK
- Things You Should Never Do After Leaving A Situationship
- 1. Don’t Beg For Clarity
- 2. Don’t Become Their Friend Immediately
- ✦ PILLOW TALK
- Not everybody deserves front-row seats to your healing journey.
- 3. Don’t Keep Sleeping Together
- ✦ AFTER DARK
- Some people know how to touch your body, but not how to protect your heart.
- 4. Don’t Stalk Their New Partner
- 5. Don’t Pause Your Life Waiting For Them
- ✦ PILLOW TALK
Please stop behaving like you’ve just lost your husband of twenty years.
You lost a man who couldn’t even decide whether he wanted breakfast or dinner.
You’ll survive.
Now, before you fight me, I know situationships are complicated.
Nobody officially asked you out. Nobody officially broke up with you.
Yet somehow, you’ve listened to enough SZA to qualify for emotional compensation, checked their “last seen” like it’s your full-time job, and convinced yourself that “he’s just busy.”
I’ve been there.
Unfortunately, some of us have honorary PhDs from Situationship University.
And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this:
The lack of commitment doesn’t make the heartbreak hurt less. Sometimes it hurts even more.
Because what you’re grieving isn’t just the person. You’re grieving the potential. The imaginary vacations. The future birthday posts. The inside jokes. The “maybe one day.”
✦ PILLOW TALK
Sometimes you’re not mourning the person. You’re mourning the fantasy you built around them.
Why Situationships Hurt More Than Real Relationships
Ironically, situationships can hurt more than committed relationships. At least when relationships end, there’s usually clarity.
You know what happened. You know what you lost.
Situationships leave you with unanswered questions. Could it have worked? Did they ever like me? Was I asking for too much? Should I have waited longer?
Babe, no.
Sometimes the greatest source of pain isn’t rejection.
It’s ambiguity.
Because confusion keeps hope alive.
And hope, my love, can be expensive.
Stop Waiting For Closure
Can I say something controversial?
Closure is overrated.
Most people are waiting for one magical conversation where the other person suddenly explains everything beautifully and apologises while Adele plays softly in the background.
Life rarely works like that.
Sometimes closure is simply accepting that inconsistent people are giving you consistent answers.
If someone repeatedly confuses you, disappears for days, avoids conversations, or keeps saying “let’s just see where things go” after eight months…
Baby, that’s your answer.
Confusion is information.
✦ PILLOW TALK
Mixed signals are still signals.
Stop Romanticising Suffering
I know we’ve all watched enough movies to believe love should be difficult.
But babe, there is a difference between effort and suffering.
Love is hard enough.
You don’t need to add emotional gymnastics to the experience.
If every conversation leaves you anxious… If you’re constantly wondering where you stand… If you’re scared to ask simple questions because you don’t want to “pressure” them…
You’re not building intimacy. You’re managing uncertainty. And that’s exhausting.
Good Sex Is Not Commitment
Let’s have uncomfortable conversations.
Good morning texts are not commitment. Phone calls until 2 a.m. are not a commitment. Chemistry is not a commitment.
And please hear me carefully:
Amazing sex is definitely not commitment.
Because chemistry answers: “Do I want you?”
Compatibility answers: “Can we actually build something together?”
Those are two completely different questions.
Some people are incredible lovers and terrible partners. And that’s okay. Not everybody who can touch your body deserves access to your future.
✦ PILLOW TALK
Just because someone can access your body doesn’t mean they’ve earned your heart.
Create Distance Before You Create Delusion
If your feelings are still fresh, stop sleeping with them.
Yes, I said it.
Because intimacy has a funny way of convincing us that we’re making progress when we’re actually standing still. Sometimes the body moves on slower than the mind.
Give yourself space. Not because desire is bad.
But because healing deserves a chance too.
✦ AFTER DARK
Sometimes the sex ended months ago. The attachment didn’t.
Things You Should Never Do After Leaving A Situationship
Congratulations. You’ve survived the hardest part.
Now let’s make sure you don’t accidentally undo all your progress because one man posted a black-and-white selfie with Brent Faiyaz playing in the background.
Here are a few things Lara strongly advises against.
1. Don’t Beg For Clarity
Babe, if someone wanted to explain, they would.
You don’t need a PowerPoint presentation, a three-hour phone call, or an essay explaining why someone couldn’t choose you.
People who want to understand you ask questions.
People who want to keep you confused give speeches.
At some point, you have to stop asking for answers and start accepting what their actions have already told you.
2. Don’t Become Their Friend Immediately
I know everybody wants to be mature.
“I don’t want any bad blood.”
Very noble.
But friendship is not a prize for surviving heartbreak.
You don’t need friendship.
You need distance.
Because nothing is more painful than pretending you’re okay while secretly hoping they’ll change their mind.
Give yourself permission to disappear. You can become friends in the future.
Right now, your job is healing.
✦ PILLOW TALK
Not everybody deserves front-row seats to your healing journey.
3. Don’t Keep Sleeping Together
Oh babe.
Let’s stand up.
That’s emotional self-harm with good lighting. I know the chemistry is amazing.
I know nobody kisses you like they do. But if intimacy keeps reopening the wound, it’s no longer pleasure.
It’s punishment.
Sometimes the body moves on slower than the heart.
Protect both.
✦ AFTER DARK
Some people know how to touch your body, but not how to protect your heart.
4. Don’t Stalk Their New Partner
Please.
Respect yourself.
That woman didn’t steal your man. And that man didn’t win a prize.
Stop zooming into pictures looking for flaws. Stop comparing yourself.
Stop turning someone else’s relationship into your personal investigation project.
Your healing deserves better.
5. Don’t Pause Your Life Waiting For Them
This one is important.
Don’t stop dating.
Don’t stop travelling.
Don’t stop dressing up.
Don’t stop laughing.
Don’t stop living.
And please don’t spend six months “waiting to see what happens.”
They’re not Beyoncé.
Relax.
Life is still happening.
And while you’re sitting around hoping they’ll return, someone else is praying to meet someone exactly like you.
✦ PILLOW TALK
Healing isn’t dramatic. Most times, it’s simply choosing yourself repeatedly.
One day, you’ll wake up and realise you haven’t checked their page in weeks.
Their name won’t make your stomach drop anymore.
You’ll laugh again.
You’ll flirt again.
You’ll feel beautiful again.
And suddenly, the person who once consumed your thoughts becomes a funny story you tell your friends over cocktails.
That’s the beautiful thing about heartbreak.
It always feels permanent. Until it isn’t.
