Let’s play a game.
Close your eyes for a second and think about the last three people you’ve dated.
Not the first date.
Not the honeymoon phase.
The full experience.
Got them? Good.
Now answer this honestly.
Were they actually different people?
Or was it the same person with different perfumes, different jobs and slightly better Instagram aesthetics?
Because somewhere between “I finally found someone different” and “I can’t believe this happened again,” many of us are unknowingly running the same software.
Different faces. Same outcome.
Maybe your type isn’t your soulmate.
Maybe it’s your comfort zone.
And comfort has a terrible taste.
We Don’t Really Have A Type.
We Have A Pattern.
We love saying things like:
“My type is tall.”
“I like ambitious women.”
“I only date emotionally intelligent people.”
Cute.
But that’s not your type. That’s your preference.
Your type is the pattern you keep repeating, even when it keeps disappointing you.
The unavailable one. The fixer.
The one who always “has a lot going on.”
The charming conversationalist who somehow disappears every weekend.
The person who tells you, “I’ve never met anyone like you,” then spends three weeks replying with “Sorry, been busy.”
It’s almost impressive.
Attraction Is Terrible At Human Resources
Here’s something nobody tells you.
Chemistry isn’t always a green flag.
Sometimes it’s simply familiarity wearing expensive perfume.
We often mistake emotional familiarity for compatibility.
If chaos feels familiar, calm feels boring.
If inconsistency feels exciting, reliability feels “too nice.”
If you’ve spent years chasing emotionally unavailable people, someone who actually communicates might feel… suspicious.
Not because they’re wrong.
Because they’re unfamiliar.
The Plot Twist Nobody Likes
Sometimes your “type” isn’t choosing you.
You’re choosing them.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Think about it.
How many red flags did you politely rename?
“He isn’t emotionally unavailable.”
He’s just…
“Independent.”
“She isn’t inconsistent.”
She’s…
“Protecting her peace.”
“They don’t communicate.”
“They’re just really busy.”
At some point, we’re no longer ignoring red flags.
We’re giving them rebranding campaigns.
And Lagos Doesn’t Help.
Let’s be honest.
Dating in Lagos comes with its own economy.
The same brunch spots.
The same rooftop bars.
The same friend groups.
The same “Oh, you know him too?”
Sometimes it feels less like dating and more like rotating shifts.
Which makes having “a type” even easier.
You keep moving in the same circles.
Meeting the same personalities.
Calling it coincidence.
Maybe You’re Looking For Butterflies.
Not Peace.
There’s a reason calm relationships often get described as “boring.”
We’ve become addicted to emotional plot twists.
The unread messages.
The mixed signals.
The late-night “You up?” texts.
The uncertainty.
The chase.
It’s giving Netflix.
Real intimacy?
It looks different.
It looks like consistency.
Predictability.
Safety.
And somehow, we’ve convinced ourselves those things aren’t exciting.
So… How Do You Know It’s A Pattern?
Simple.
Ask yourself these questions.
Do all your relationships end for the same reason?
Do your friends keep saying, “This person reminds me of your ex”?
Do you keep saying,
“This one feels different…”
…only to end up having the exact same conversation six months later?
If the answer is yes, congratulations.
You’ve identified a pattern.
Now comes the difficult part.
Breaking it.
Here’s The Uncomfortable Truth.
Your next relationship probably won’t change until your choices do.
Not your manifestation board.
Not your prayer points.
Not the new haircut.
Your choices.
Because attraction gets your attention.
Character keeps it.
And maybe the person you’re waiting for isn’t avoiding you.
Maybe you’ve been walking past them because they didn’t look like your usual mistake.
The GlowClub Verdict
We’re all entitled to a type.
But we’re also responsible for questioning it.
The people we love shape our lives in ways our careers, wardrobes and salaries never will.
So before your next talking stage begins…
Ask yourself one question.
Am I choosing someone different?
Or am I just choosing familiar in a different outfit?
Sometimes the biggest red flag isn’t the person across the table.
It’s the version of ourselves that keeps ordering the same thing from the menu and acting surprised when it tastes exactly the same.
Question of the Week
What’s one dating pattern you finally realised you had?
Or, if your friends were brutally honest, what would they say your “type” actually is?