The New Rules of Situationships: Are We Dating or Just Passing Time?

Nobody asked you to be their girlfriend.

Nobody asked you to be their boyfriend.

Nobody asked you to be anybody’s anything.

And yet, here you are.

Four months in.

There’s a 7am “good morning” that never misses. You have a side of the bed that’s basically yours. You know their coffee order. Their friends know you. Your friends definitely know them.

You’ve met the person they once told you was “just a friend.”

You’ve had at least one argument about communication.

You may or may not have a toothbrush at their house.

And yet…

Your relationship status exists nowhere except the group chat, where your friends have been running their own investigation since week three.

Welcome to the grey area.

Population?

Almost everyone you know.

The Situationship Economy

Situationships aren’t new.

What’s new is how comfortable we’ve become admitting we’re in them.

For busy, ambitious, emotionally exhausted people, the situationship is convenient.

You get the companionship. The affection. The late-night calls. The spontaneous plans. The “have you eaten?” texts. The occasional “I miss you.”

Basically, most of the relationship experience without having to officially call it a relationship.

Sounds efficient.

Until it isn’t.

Because situationships are cheap to maintain and expensive to leave.

No anniversaries. No family introductions. No joint anything.

But also no clarity. No certainty. And sometimes, no idea what you’re actually allowed to ask for.

It’s a relationship with all the emotional labour and none of the receipts.

You’re paying in attention, energy and time.

And the interest rate is your peace of mind.

That’s not a relationship problem.

That’s a financial one wearing a cute outfit.

Rule One: If Nobody Defines It, The Strongest Imagination Wins.

One person thinks:

“We’re taking things slowly.”

The other thinks:

“We’re obviously building towards something serious.”

Nobody has technically lied.

Nobody has technically promised anything.

Three months later, somebody is crying in their friend’s car while the other person is saying:

“But I thought we were just vibing?”

And therein lies the problem.

Two people can be having the exact same experience while telling themselves completely different stories about it.

Rule Two: Consistency Looks A Lot Like Commitment.

Good morning texts.

Goodnight calls.

Weekend dates.

Checking if you’ve arrived safely.

Sending food when you’re having a bad day.

At some point, the behaviour starts looking suspiciously like a relationship.

Because… it is relationship behaviour.

“Let’s just see where it goes” is fine.

For a while.

But “where it goes” cannot be a permanent address.

Rule Three: “We’re Just Vibing” Has An Expiry Date.

Vibing is cute.

Vibing is fun.

Vibing is excellent for six weeks.

At six months, vibing starts looking like a relationship that refuses to pay tax.

There is nothing wrong with not knowing where something is going.

There is something wrong with refusing to find out because the answer might inconvenience you.

Because eventually, someone wants more.

Or meets someone else.

Or starts seeing other people.

And suddenly the thing that was “not that serious” has become very serious to somebody.

Rule Four: Pay Attention To The Rooms You’re Allowed Into.

Friends are one thing.

Family is another.

Real life is another.

Where do you actually exist in their world?

Are you the person they call when they’re bored at 11:47pm?

Or are you also part of the life that happens at 11am on a random Tuesday?

There’s a difference between being someone’s favourite night-time activity and being part of their actual life.

Look at the guest list.

People reveal a lot through the rooms they invite you into.

Rule Five: “I’m Not Ready To Define This” Is An Answer.

Maybe not the answer you wanted.

But an answer.

You don’t have to become more beautiful, more patient, more understanding or more “chill” and hope they eventually hand you the role.

If someone tells you they’re not ready, believe them.

Maybe they’ll change their mind.

Maybe they won’t.

But your job isn’t to sit in the waiting room until they do.

And asking “What are we?” isn’t needy.

Please.

This isn’t a marriage proposal.

You’re simply asking what you’re participating in.

That’s called due diligence.

If one honest conversation destroys the entire connection…

It probably wasn’t very solid to begin with.

Okay. Be Honest.

Not with them.

With yourself.

Because sometimes we already know.

We just don’t like the answer.

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Are You Dating Or Just Passing Time?

☐ You’ve never had a conversation about exclusivity.

☐ Your friends know more about “the situation” than their friends do.

☐ You’ve rehearsed the “what are we?” conversation more than once but never said it.

☐ You’d be genuinely surprised if they introduced you as their partner.

☐ Most of your relationship happens at night, over text or behind closed doors.

☐ You know their schedule better than you know their intentions.

☐ You’re uncomfortable asking for more because you’re scared they’ll leave.

☐ You regularly tell your friends, “We’re just seeing how things go.”

☐ You’ve analysed their Instagram activity for clues about where you stand.

☐ You’re giving relationship-level energy while insisting you have no expectations.

Your Score

0–2: You’re probably dating. Maybe slowly, maybe casually, but there’s some shared understanding.

3–5: Welcome to the grey area. You know what’s happening. You’re just hoping it sorts itself out.

6–8: You’re probably in a situationship. And if you’re genuinely okay with that, fair enough. Just make sure you’re choosing it.

9–10: Babe.

This is no longer a situationship.

This is an unpaid internship with emotional benefits.

Please schedule the meeting.

The Real Rule

Situationships aren’t automatically bad.

Sometimes two people genuinely don’t know what they want.

Sometimes casual is exactly what both people want.

That’s okay.

The problem isn’t the lack of a label.

It’s the lack of honesty.

Know what you’re in.

Know what you want.

Know what the other person wants.

And if those three things don’t match?

At least you’re making a decision with the information you actually have.

Because the real danger isn’t dating without a label.

It’s staying somewhere you don’t want to be because you’re hoping someone else will eventually give you one.

The GlowClub Verdict

You don’t need to rush a relationship into a title.

But you also don’t need to pretend you’re “chill” when you’re quietly hoping for more.

You are allowed to ask.

You are allowed to want.

You are allowed to leave.

And you’re allowed to enjoy something casual without secretly treating it like an audition for a relationship.

Just know what game you’re playing.

Because passing time and building something can look almost identical in the beginning.

Until one person realises they’ve been building…

and the other has just been passing time.

Over To You

Are situationships actually working for us?

Or have we just become really good at avoiding the conversation?

And be honest…

Have you ever stayed in a situationship hoping it would eventually become a relationship?